Inipi

Forty-something people were crowded in the lodge that day and hysteria began to rise in my throat. Claustrophobic, but there was no way out; the door was closed. My heart thudded wildly and the temperature kept rising and rising. I was smashed into the uppermost part of the east side of the lodge when the sweat broke out and cascaded down my forehead, tears streaming from the corners of my eyes.

It was my very first time in the sweat lodge, and “grandfather,” Don Cardinal, was doing his thing. It was the East door, and he called in Creator, the ancestors, and the helper spirits. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck prickle as I felt my ancestors brush past my face and pass through my body. I could feel their overwhelming joy that I had chosen to come back home. I heard whispers and some words I understood completely. All of a sudden, I heard this little whimper and a small voice that said, “Help me, please, I can’t make it. I have to get out of here. Please, I want out.”

Momentarily forgetting my own feelings of hysteria, I reached down and took the hand of woman who had spoken. I whispered to her to be strong and that I was there to help her through the doors and that she was going to make it. She was crying softly.

I saw blue and white light flashing all around me, and I heard an eagle cry from somewhere inside the lodge as sacred songs were sung to the heartbeat of the drum. The lodge smelled of bear root, sage, sweetgrass, cedar, and some other medicinal herbs as grandfather steamed us out. “Mitakuye Oyasin,” he said, and the door opened.  

The South door: pitch black sweat mixing with everyone, making us all one giant child in the womb of the lodge. Grandfather laid down the intentions of the sweat during this round of singing and drumming. As the heat increased, I could feel the steam burn into my shoulders. That lodge was already smoking, and there were two more rounds to go. Since I had to be there for the woman sitting next to me, leaving was not an option, so I prayed for assistance.

When the door opened again, some of the steam went out, but not enough to take out the burn.

Eight more fire rocks were brought into the lodge, and grandfather greeted each one with specially prepared herbs. The medicine helpers were called in as the songs rose higher and higher, opening a vortex of vibrations that swooped in, carrying strange melodies and bizarre images from some other time. I had become strong in the lodge. I had a mission to fulfill, and I knew I could make it through.

Oh Mitakuye Oyasin! How magical that word was when the West door opened on command. Even though my ears were burnt and my eyes seem glued to the back of my head, I smiled. I was almost past the initiation of my ancestors. I already knew in my heart that I was making them proud by sitting in the hottest part of the lodge.

At the final door, the North, new rocks were smoldering. This was the healing round. This is what we were all there for; working to let go of the past to capture the present moment by feeling the pain deeper than the burn. Tears streamed, wailing began, and the floodgates opened, unifying all as the lodge rocked with healing. I could feel my grandfathers wipe tears from my heart as my grandmothers caressed my head, whispering words of encouragement. When the rocks were sprayed with water, the heat was searing, but I no longer felt it. I was delirious with joy. They had come. My ancestors had come from their place on the other side to soothe one of their own.

“Mitakuye Oyasin!” The door opened. One by one we crawled out counterclockwise kissing the earth as we reemerged birthed into a new beginning.