Heartnotes

     The feelings were deep, and I could feel the pulsing of my blood as it moved throughout my body. On day five of the Vipassana meditation, I somehow managed to move past my skin, muscles, and tissue to see my skeleton for the very first time. It is a shocking reminder that our world is not solid.      Day 1: No talking, no eye contact, no gestures, no mixing with the opposite sex, and no smiling. The rules are strict and designed for us to disengage from others and go within the silence of meditation for 11 hours per day for 10 days. It wasn’t easy concentrating on my breath when my mind wanted to wander, but I managed. A ball of light made its way into the back of my eyelids and colors of purple, green, red, and blue exploded all around me. I felt good and positive with no disturbances. Outside my window the branches of the tree formed a perfect heart. It was my gift of encouragement and would be my focal point every day.      Day 2: At 4 a.m. the bell rang, and I had t

            It was early morning sometime after sunrise when I went out for a walk down the lone dusty dirt road. It was summertime and I was fifteen, living in rural Arkansas. I was heading to the pond in the far pasture to sit and just enjoy nature, when halfway to my destination, a lone reddish wolf stepped silently from the woods and into my path.               Less than three feet away he stopped in the middle of the road. The wolf looked me right in the eyes, and I just stood there looking right back at him. I wasn’t afraid, just really surprised. Living near the woods for most of my young life, I had seen many coyotes, but never a wolf. The communication between us was silent as we both absorbed the other’s energy, creating some sort of a bond. After about 6 seconds, he turned and walked silently back into the woods, and I continued my journey to the pond. Even though he was out of my sight, I knew without a doubt that the wolf was still lurking in the woods watching me. T

     He was double-wrapped in a blanket, bound with ropes, and lay face down on the altar in the middle of the floor when the lights went out. He was all alone.        He was summoned to find a cure for a very sick elder, and the community had come together in support late in the night. My friends and I were at Six Nations rez and had come to offer our prayers. Friends and relatives came from all over, bringing food to share with all who were there. Children remained quiet as young and old prepared for the hour or so ahead of them.       My energy was elevated and my mind was fully present as it recorded every single detail. I felt honored to be able to offer my prayers to Creator for the purpose of this sacred ceremony. We were probably close to fifty spread out across the room forming a large human circle of intent. Cross-legged on the floor, we all sat waiting for the ceremony to begin. Even though the fragrance of sage and tobacco wafted through the air, there was no movement

     Heading to Six Nations Rez in Canada, I was stuffed in the middle between two Mexica brothers in the backseat of my friend’s SUV. There were seven of us, and it was going to be a long, cramped drive, but I didn’t care. We were heading to Sundance, and Chief Arvol Looking Horse was running it. It was going to be my first time, and I was really excited to be doing the first of the four-year commitment there instead of baking in the hot sun in the Arizona desert.        It was late in the evening by the time we arrived, and it was a cold night to be sleeping in a tent with no fire to keep warm, but somehow we all managed.      Morning came early as other dancers milled around the campgrounds, preparing themselves for the days ahead. It was four days of dancing from sun-up to sundown in the sweltering heat with no water, wearing moccasins and a red calico print dress. I was ready.      The drum groups were warming up, practicing their timing skills and vocals. I was looking a

Forty-something people were crowded in the lodge that day and hysteria began to rise in my throat. Claustrophobic, but there was no way out; the door was closed. My heart thudded wildly and the temperature kept rising and rising. I was smashed into the uppermost part of the east side of the lodge when the sweat broke out and cascaded down my forehead, tears streaming from the corners of my eyes. It was my very first time in the sweat lodge, and “grandfather,” Don Cardinal, was doing his thing. It was the East door, and he called in Creator, the ancestors, and the helper spirits. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck prickle as I felt my ancestors brush past my face and pass through my body. I could feel their overwhelming joy that I had chosen to come back home. I heard whispers and some words I understood completely. All of a sudden, I heard this little whimper and a small voice that said, “Help me, please, I can’t make it. I have to get out of here. Please, I want out.”

Dear Beautiful Ones,      As you make your transition into this new year, take heed. It is time to lay down all of the ugliness that has riddled your thoughts. Identify, overcome, and let them go so that you can excel in this next phase of your existence. You are the one who needs to be more aware of the things that you do to sabotage yourself. Seek peace within and be a martyr to your own soul. Justice, truth, and fulfillment of your own destiny will make your light grow brighter. Make yourself a priority, because there is no one better or more deserving. Do not shortchange yourself with foolish lies that you entrapped yourself with.      Walk into this new year with faith and peace in your heart. Surrender to your loving nature by becoming the glue that binds up wounds and heals the sick. Together we all form a cohesive network of continuous energy. You matter, and every person has something to contribute in this life. There is no task that is unimportant. Break out of the mun